Journey 2 Zendipity

If you have been with me since the beginning through IG, YouTube or even here on my blogs, then you probably know that I’ve been single for sometime.

Well, I am 6 months away from obtaining my Bachelors in single hood 🙂

yup, 3 years 6 months single.

That’s 4 Thanksgiving and Christmases without the big family I came to love like my own.

That’s 3 years without my kid on Christmas Day.

5 years without my kid for the Christmas break other than the Eve’s of celebration.

2 years complete solo for the holidays

and only 1 year, this year, where I didn’t want to throw myself off a balcony during the holidays.

Holidays are just so damn much. It’s my moms bday which I haven’t celebrated with her in many years, it’s the family expectations with no family, it’s the stress of money and showing people the right $ AMOUNT of love :: eye roll::, it’s the amount of work to get completed to wrap up the year, it’s absolutely everything. In a nutshell though, loneliness. Loneliness is the thumbtack that’s constantly prickling me during the holidays.

The first 2 holidays were okay actually.. well for the most part. It was still in the highs of the Journey and healing. I would feel lonely but it was this natural high that helped me get through those holidays but the last 2 have been funky.

Like for example last night. I went into my room, which I just moved around in prep for the new year, and it felt like something was missing. Someone was missing.