Journey 2 Zendipity

First time I heard that question, I stopped in my tracks. The wheels in my head spinner for days and years later, I still stop and ask myself that question. “What does success mean to me?”, “what is my bullseye?” , “how will I know I made it?”.

I have no fucking clue.

I didn’t have those “when I grow up I wanna be!” , nope. I’m pretty sure even as a kid I couldn’t figure it out or make up my mind and it was all imagination lol. Even worse in the “real world”.

I want to be..

Success mean…

My bullseye is…

The problem with not knowing my bullseye or ultimate goal is that I keep shooting arrows but it’s impossible to hit a bullseye that doesn’t exist. Other than having my dream of one day having a family with everyone over to Big Momma K’s (me lol) house for a Thanksgiving meal I cooked and helping as many people before my exportation date, I don’t have a bullseye.

I have business ideas, book ideas, how to help ideas.. but not real bullseye. Just want to live my life and make memories. Travel. Experience different cultures. Teach my son. Be part of his great memories and watch all his accomplishments. I just want to have a full life. One that’ll have me talking shit to my grand babies for decades LOL. I better have some good ol’ “back in my days” story or I’ll be asking for a return on this aging thing. I want to have a life that my grand babies gran babies will be hearing about.

What’s funny is that it wasn’t until I wrote that very last sentence that I realized one of my desires is wrapped with one of my fears. Fear being I don’t want to be forgotten. I just want to make sure I’m remembered for something worth remembering. That fear roots from abandonment. Which extends its root to the desire.

I’m barely remembered while I’m alive, shit there’s been times I’ve gone daysss without hearing from anyone. I remember thinking “well damn, good thing I didn’t die this week” LOL. Yes, it is funny now because just another fuck I chucked in the fuck-it bucket.

Ok back to the main road.. success. Yes! Success!

I think growing up we all put success = money, but what if that’s just one version? What if success = happiness. Success = peace. Now remove the “what if” but your success is whatever you want it to be.

It’s find if liberating … I can put my very own meaning to “success”. MY success.

Now, if only I could figure out my bullseye… 🤔