Journey 2 Zendipity

“When will I trust again?” Was the question my friend asked me yesterday. I literally chuckled out loud when she asked because I have no fucking clue lol.

I really have no idea but after years of being on this journey , I told her, “I think it’s a lot about trusting ourselves”. Trusting our intuitions again and trusting our hearts again more than actually trusting anyone else. Shit, I had a billboard in my face flashing practically and I still said “oh no, no way. They would never, they love me”.

Truth is, I have no fucking clue how we can trust again, or when. I am here this morning at my favorite spot, watching the sun rising over the water and still praying, loud. Praying for my ex and her new fiancé, Thinking of that double whammy of a betrayal and really wondering, when will I ever be fully over it. Still praying for them daily, sometimes multiple times a day, so that the compassion continues to heal my soul because it’s been years and it still hurts my core. Praying loudly for their joy, for their peace, their union. Because one amazing Pastor once said, “you cannot pray for someone and hate them at the same time”. Because hate and love are two extremes separated only by which side of the line you’re on and I wanna be on the side of love regardless and despite the shit that happens.

I really don’t know when we start to trust again or how to trust again after betrayal but what I’m pretty sure I know now is it starts with us. Internally. Not anyone else. Trusting our intuitions, trusting our healing, trusting our boundaries and will power to stand by them. No one could do anything to make me trust them or not trust them right now because the moment their phone rings, my heart will drop. That’s me, that’s something I need to continue working on and until I have that taken care of, I know I personally wouldn’t be able to trust.

🎶 RISE UP – ANDRA DAY 🎶

I now believe that trusting another really is more about loving myself because if I can love myself enough to listen to my intuition, love myself enough to feel worthy of more, to love myself enough to truly believe someone’s actions is only a reflection of themselves and not me.. Whether they betrayed me or not, it wouldn’t break me anymore.

Idk.. this is a topic I may never be able to speak on again. I leave this one in the Divines hands.

What do y’all think about trust? How can you trust after betrayal? any best practices lol?