Journey 2 Zendipity

This name of this chapter in my life is called “Letting Go”.

This is no longer a choice. I feel this battle in me between my human and my soul. My human is feeling all these emotions which have me wanting to run for the hills and dig a bigger whole in my comfort zone. Meanwhile everything in my spiritual journey, the guides and my soul are pushing me into the terrifying unknown.

This whole process, is requiring me to let go. Let go of my expectations, let go of my human desires, let go of my fears, let go of my comfort, let go of control over a lot of things.

It’s crazy because the more I want to pull away and run the opposite direction, the more I’m getting pulled and shown that I have to walk through this chapter.

I feel like I’m watching a battle and I don’t feel excited anymore. I feel everything but excited.

My human sees the delays, the frustration, the lack of follow through from others, the anger building up, the blow up that’s about to happen and thinking this is not for me. My soul is seeing an opportunity for development of self and others. The development that I am passionate about. Which is insane seeing as I just prayed for something to set my soul on fire.

It’s not feeling like my soul is on fire, yet. More like my world is shaking but when I silence my ego and human, I feel it. I feel this conviction. I feel this “have to”.

I know now that I’m being asked to trust something I can’t see, something I don’t even feel positive about anymore and it is something wild.

My stomach is a mess, I haven’t slept in days, I’m moody, I’m feeling tired. This is no longer fun or exciting and I haven’t even walked into the chapter fully! This is just the intro.

Letting go is the name of this game, this chapter, this phase. I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen on the other side. The why’s. The what ifs on repeat in my head.

Yet my soul is rocking the Nike slogan, “just do it “.

Oh man y’all, I’m no Noah but I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been to do something that everyone thought seems absolutely insane and knowing it was for a reason he couldn’t explain. Something that wouldn’t make sense. It was this conviction to trust in something he couldn’t truly see, feel, show.

This chapter is going to be hard, it’s going to test me in ways I feel not ready for and it’s going to push me to a limit that is absolutely terrifying but I’m going to trust.

If I turn back now, if I lean on my human and not my soul, then what have I really learned during this spiritual journey? This relationship with the divine, God, the universe.

My heart is pounding out my chest, my hands are shaking and my world is spinning.

It’s time..

:: deep breath ::

Wish me luck.