Journey 2 Zendipity

I’m in such an uncomfortable but beautiful place of my journey. I really wanted to share it with a friend so here I am, with you all.

The current phase of my journey is asking me to blindly trust and what I mean by that is, follow my intuition. Follow instructions I’m getting downloaded. Listen and pay attention to the signs. Follow the things that set my soul on fire but most importantly, to do it all unapologetically authentic.

I’ve now experienced this a handful of times in the last couple of weeks but it’s gotten harder as one of the people I’m guided to share live with, is someone I do care for. I’m being asked to be my authentic self, share some love without emotionally getting involved. Do you realize this has me losing my shit?

Every time I send something, I saw something, I check in.. I am so scared it will be taken for more than what it is. I am so scared I will freak them out. I am so scared that it’ll be “too much”. So fucking scared that I’m not being guided by the Divine but instead from my emotions. Then something beautiful always happens. A confirmation. A reminder that the ego has no place here. A sign that I followed through.

Example, last night I was told to write this person a letter. Of course I fought it And the entire time laying down for hours I was getting downloads of what to write, what needed to be said, my ear was ringing and I just continued to fight it. Even got into negotiating with my spirit guides lol “okay fine, I’ll write it but only if tomorrow when I wake up I’m still pulled to it and remember what to say”. :: insert crowd of spirit guides laughing::

You know what happened?

I woke up BEFORE my freaking alarm. Not just with the need to write but with this necessity. Remembering most of what I was downloaded. At least the nutshell. Then the moment I wrote it, I felt lighter and my heart felt so content.

I go to reread it and once again I see in my own writing that I was pushed to be vulnerable and authentic in an uncomfortable situation because growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone. It’s comfortable to do things when you’re comfortable and not being challenged.

In this sense, I’m being challenged to not disappear when I have feelings but to detach these feelings while pouring my soulful love into their cup. This isn’t easy for me because I DO care what they think. I DO care about keeping them in my life and not scaring them off.

For my whole life I’ve been told I’m too much.

I talk too much, I say too much, I do too much, I care too much, I share too much. I am TOO MUCH.

So growing up I tried so hard to not be “too much”. I tried so hard to pick my words and when I liked someone to restrict parts of me because I was kindly reminded so many times they too much is not a good thing.

Now here I am for the last few years being pushed to be me, authentically and raw, too much and all. Without caring what they think or say. Very very VERY hard and I am feeling extremely vulnerable. E

Especially when I’m trying to be a friend, and just a friend, to someone I care about as much while remaining authentic and “too much”.

I am being asked to blindly trust the divine and my guides because I am being taken into a place of my life I’ve never been. The other side of the shit that’s made me feel like I haven’t been enough or I’ve been “too much” because the truth is, we are only too much or not enough, for the people who don’t belong in our lives.

I for one am ready to receive all my abundance and to do so I just continue learning to radically accept me with all my beauty and flaws. To love my “too much” self lol. So I will continue to do as I’m guided to, regardless of who and what it is because at the end of the day, I can to live with my regrets when I’m not true to myself.

But I’m still shutting bricks lol