Journey 2 Zendipity

Well fuck it, it’s finally happening lol I’m a bottle of wine in and I have much to say.

Unfortunately, I can’t focus my thoughts long enough to figure out the topic lol.

Yup, I’m in my feelings. They are up, they are down, they are all around.

I miss having a busy work schedule. I miss the person I walked away from. I miss my kid. I miss being in love. I miss having a goal. I miss it all.

Where I stand today, I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. I truly am. Through ups and down and all the in between, I don’t ever see someone and think “I wish I had their life”, I usually think “aww good for them, maybe I can add that to my bucket list”, but never, a desire to have their life.

Am so grateful and humbled for all the experiences that got me to where I am today.

It’s just a fuckery of emotions! I feel like if I was grateful I wouldn’t desire more but that’s bs. That’s all bs. I’m still human, I still have desires, I still have dreams (even when I can’t figure out what they are LOL) , I am fucking human! There is nothing wrong with that.

Yes, I am so beyond words grateful for where I am in love, peace, and life but I truly desire so much more.

I desire goal to strive for, I desire love to be passionate and romantic with, I desire a family (though I’m not sure what this will look like) I desire memories and experiences.

I’ve done good at doing as much as I can on my own but yea, I’m human.

So though I live by “don’t drink to feel better, only drink to feel even better” and though I rarely drink anymore, I’m a bottle down because I’m human and have a gapping hole in my heart tonight. A gapping hole full of desires that I feel are so out of reach. My mind knows better, my soul is laughing at my human ego and weakness but I know my strength and desires are worthy and manifesting.

I know one day I’ll look back at this day and laugh because I’ll be sitting with my person, busy with work, goals lined up, laughing with my family and realizing that though I feel grateful today with desires, I’ll be grateful then with more desires because I am human.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that and that alone is a HUGE realization.

So all I can say right now is thank you, thank you, thank you and I welcome movie trailers as previews of my future. Please and thanks, Divine lol.

Sincerely, -K