Journey 2 Zendipity

Hey All!

It’s been a while!

First it was because I decided to beta test a new ios and it wasn’t compatible with the wordpress app and then it just became harder to find the words to express where I am at in my journey.

It’s been a rollercoaster lately. It started out with finding out my best friend is moving away. My only family near by. I am so extremely happy for her and was even more excited at the time of finding out because for a couple of weeks I thought I too would be leaving the state. I started looking, found a few new potential homes and was ready to take the leap. The divine seems to have different plans for me, at least for the moment but having that door closed broke my spirits, temporarily. Kind of felt like I’ve been forgotten. Well that doesn’t quite explain it but not sure how better to express it.

Now, I’m just bracing myself.

Everyone around me seems to be in a transitional chapter of their life. I can’t really put it into words but big things are happening all around and I am in God’s waiting room. Just this time it feels a little different. It feels like it’s a temporary wait before I get ejected into a new chapter full force. Still, just feels like I’m just another person who will one day be forgotten not having fully lived or fulfilled a purpose.

I really do know something big is coming, I feel it. No idea what it is and no idea what kind of tower moment it will bring but I cross my fingers that whatever the “it” is, I have the courage to leap into it with faith and trust. With joy. I also hope it helps me feel a little more full in my soul. Something I’ve been lacking for a bit now.

I’ve been at my new job now for a few months and I am still feeling an incredible amount of gratitude for this opportunity but I still don’t feel quite at “home”. Feels like i’m not fulfilling my purpose and for the life of me, I cannot figure out what that is. No idea what road I am supposed to be on, what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Though someone recently engraved in my mind “a JOB is not a purpose”. Now I’m starting to look at things differently.

I know that somehow and in some way I am supposed to help others. Just don’t know how. Haven’t yet had that moment of clarity where I know without a doubt in which way I am supposed to fulfill that. I have researched nursing, fire fighting, paramedics, teaching, charities and any other jobs that I think would help me fill that void I feel but everything feels like the option is help others or help my family.

Life really has been feeling a bit… blah lately. I am at peace, I am grateful, I am alive and I am still pushing through the moments where sadness wants to get a hold of me but something is missing and I wish I knew what. I don’t want to be someone who lived and died not having done anything real with my life. Having not lived a full life and being of service.

One day I will know what it is.

One thing is certain though, throughout this rollercoaster of emotions and life moments, I haven’t stopped thinking about you all! I continue to send y’all love and well wishes. I hope that each of you reading this are doing amazing and somehow are pushing through your own personal dark clouds every day because I do believe we all have a purpose and are meant to be here.

So if you are having a hard time, please close your eyes for a second and take a few deep breaths. Imagine receiving a big hug and when you open your eyes take a second to feel the gratitude of having the blessing of another day.

Love y’all, chin up and keep on treading. Until the next time.

With so much love,

-K