Journey 2 Zendipity

I choose to believe that the God I believe in didn’t put me through all the crap I went through just for a good laugh. I sincerely don’t believe that. I believe everything I’ve gone through has given me the ability to help others throughout my lifetime.

Every single traumatic and painful experience, as well as every good after the bad, I wholeheartedly believe that I’m intended to do something with it.

So I share my story. Anyone who asks, I share.

I can’t control if someone decides to laugh at me, share it with other in an ill manner, or judge my journey but I can choose to share it when I’m called to.

Only one time in my life someone truly told me I helped them in an unbelievable way through my words. I was a teenager, we were on the bus on the way back from Virginia and I remember exactly the feeling that ran through me.

That feeling I got when she told me that is partially why I share it. It wasn’t a feeling of ego but a feeling of .. idk how to put it into words but it was like being at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing in full alignment with something greater than myself.

About an hour ago I heard a song I hadn’t heard in many many years. “I can only imagine” by MercyMe. It brought tears to me eyes and brought back up all of my issues with religion and my beliefs.

You see, I was hard core JesusFreak. I mean seriously. I did missionary work, I went to church, I wouldn’t even sing unless it was a gospel song because I fully believed my gift was only intended for worship.

Then little by little people from religious background disappointed me, judged me, hurt me, bullied me, turned their backs on me. Repeatedly.

One night I went to church hysterical crying and begging for help and my church lasted for the last few years told me I couldn’t be there. No help, no hug, no prayer, nothing to help. Just straight up turned me away.

I still believed in God but from that moment forward, I hated religion and people flying their religion flags so high. I stayed away from churches for the most part and anything Christian related.

In my young adult life I was introduced to Spirituality. Which I’ve come to learn is truly a relationship with something greater. I learned to love people and things in the way religion always told I HAD to. See the difference? A relationship with God, the Divine vs forced actions to avoid damnation.

I’ve gone back to church handful of time and I’ve come to find a somewhat balance between the churches beliefs in Christ and my believe in the universe.

I do believe in God, I call it The Divine . I absolutely without a doubt have never once wondered if there was something greater. I believe in hood and bad and the good in bad and bad in the good. I believe that we are souls in human bodies and souls in animals bodies. I believe in karma, I believe in energies, I believe in all of it.

Most importantly I believe God, the Divine, is in absolutely everyone and everything.

So what does my first story have to do with that? Everything!

That feeling I got as a teenager when I received verbal confirmation that I helped save a life, every time I share my story and I see with my eyes someone get even an ounce of hope… to me, that’s all the Divine.

I share my story when asked, when moved to share through a blog or through my ink because I believe it’s part of my purpose. To not use the shit I went through as a crutch but as stepping stones. Each time I share vulnerably a piece of me, my belief, my history, my love, my compassion.. I get one step closer to fulfilling a lifelong purpose of helping anyone and everyone that’s willing to accept my ounce of love. Each time someone accepts an ounce of that love, I feel a tiny bit of what I felt that night on that bus.

So thank you, for accepting that ounce of love and being a part of my greater journey.

One day it’ll be my time to part ways with my humanly body and that day I’ll be able to smile and take a deep breathe because I’ll know that I did my part and hopefully leave a legacy of love, hopefully leave the world just a tad bit better than when I arrived.