Journey 2 Zendipity

Trust is something that doesn’t come easy to me but I continue to try.

I am that person who “overshares” in some peoples eyes but what they don’t understand is that I feel strongly that what I’ve gone through isn’t meant to be kept a secret.

What I mean by that is that I don’t believe that the Divine/God I believe in put me through hell for their entertainment. I believe that everything I have gone through was to make me the person that I am but also so that I could help others with my story.

My story isn’t my crutch, it’s my strong tower.

It sucked, it still sucks, but it’s not a weakness. It’s my strength.

Every single thing that I have gone through is an open book for anyone who asks or anyone who I am intuitively called to share with.

What that person does with the information is 100% on them and if they feel they want to talk shit about it or share it in a negative light, that’s something they will have to live with. I really don’t care because nothing they say is worse than the things I have said to myself.

However, what does really piss me off is when I talk to someone about current situation that I am not ready to share. When I am reaching out for help. Those are the moments that when shared do sting.

I woke up this morning in a fantastic mood. Got up, showered, did my hair, make up, got dressed and actually feeling really cute. I had a few messages and calls that I called back and my mood took a hit to the core.

My name is involved in some BS that it has absolutely no business being involved in.

I reached out to a friend to help with a decision I had to make and during a dick measuring contest, my assumption of what happened based on an another event, I was brought into a mess. A mess that has me feeling like I did something wrong. A mess that has my heart aching and my human pissed af because I was so cautious with my words.

The mistake I made was trusting someone.

Why is it a mistake to trust people? Why is it a constant issue to trust people?

I barely talk to anyone, my circle is so small that I’m hugging myself in a group hug, I don’t hang out with anyone but somehow my peace is disrupted because I really needed someone and they chose to share with someone?

I am not sure if it was intentional, I don’t believe it was, however it still hurts.

Why is it that we are always so concerned with being hurt but never as concerned about hurting others? I would like to think that I am one of the few that do worry about others to that extent but I am sure that I too have made this mistake.

ugh, I don’t even know what I am saying anymore. All I know is that I am so frustrated and freaking out over something that I shouldn’t have even been brought into

Everything in me wants to call this person and let my shadow go in on them but majority of me knows that it would only disrupt my peace even further, potentially make a stupid situation so much worse and end up hurting me more.

Trust..

Everytime I walk towards trusting individuals, I quickly come to regreat it and everything in me wants to go back into hermit.

Today is feeling like a Greys Anatomy binge kind of day.

Sorry for the rant y’all. I don’t even know what I said or if it even tied in together, just felt this need to put it all down.

I appreciate y’all for being part of my journey. I rather talk to y’all more than anyone (my best frannnn and kid are the exceptions to that sentence).