Journey 2 Zendipity

Today I had one of those days that started off like I was watching my day from a 3rd party view. It was super weird, it’s happened a few times but waking up that way for me in such a crap mood.

Ended up having to sit outside to write for a bit before actually leaving the house to do anything. I couldn’t even deal with my own crap mood, let alone deal with others.

Leave the house and people are driving stupid. Ended up getting out the car once to flip on a woman who was riding my ass so bad she almost hit me multiple times. I was fuming. I am a lover not a fighter but I wilas ready to lay her ass out. Like I said, crap mood.

The day started turning around thanks to my son and some good music. I ate which calmed down my hanger and we laughed. We had a good time.

Get a message that I didn’t know was coming but the crap mood almost felt like it was a heads up to what messages were about to come my way. Anxiety now through the roof, stressing, worrying and feeling guilty for feeling how I’m feeling. In my head while trying to be in the moment with my kid and ugh.

We really did end up having such a good time but it was so incredibly hard after the message to shake it off. I somehow still managed to by the time we made it to the store.

Like I always do, I ended up in the technology section staring at game consoles . I’ve been debating getting a console for myself for a while and today I took the plunge. Of course I am still freaking out about the price and all the reasons why I shouldn’t but I did it anyways. My birthday is coming, I’ve been debating it for months and f it, why not.

Get home , set it up and plug in the game. A game I use to play when I was younger. I start playing and I feel tears rolling down my face.

I do not cry. Not often at least. Only when I’m laughing or really really angry but here I am, starting a level and tears are rolling down my face. My son asking me not to cry or he will cry and I start laughing with more tears rolling.

It was a few levels later when I realize it was my inner child. Overjoyed, full of pride and feeling seen. I can’t really explain it but it was a knowing I felt.

As I keep playing It started to really hit me, I was a heavy gamer as a child and it was my escape. The only time I got to be a child. With these games that kept me company, helped me forget for a bit and just get lost.

Today, for a couple of hours, I spent time with my inner child and it was special. It was so very special. Having my son next to me as this occurred was so precious. A memory that will last me a lifetime.

Though I still feel a lot of the emotions that I started the day with, I feel a little bit more at ease and at peace because I got to love on my inner child.

Happy early birthday to little me ❤️