Journey 2 Zendipity

Around my birthday, every year for as long as I can remember , I get the blues. Like holiday blues but early onset lol.

I get just sad and moody. Don’t really look at it like a celebratory date, just another day.

I am a woman who loves to celebrate others birthdays, I feel that someones birth anniversary is HUGE. It’s the day they were born which is a big deal for those that love you. A birth anniversary is literally that, the anniversary of someone birth. A celebration of that blessed day the divine gifted us someone, even if we didn’t meet until way later in life.

Like I said, I love birthdays.

Yet when it comes to my day, it doesn’t feel that way. It’s weird to have the attention on me, unless it’s work related, and when I have no attention then it’s the loneliness.

I’m an imperfect human, no judgment 😉

This year the blues kicked in hard and I had an AWFUL day the day before my birthday. I mean, it royally sucked from beginning to end. Not because anything bad happened though. Just everything felt extra heavy and crappy and even when it really wasn’t crappy thing, it felt crappy. You know that feeling? Yea, the day royally emotionally sucked.

The bad day even included an ex reaching out, which would be super nice if it didn’t mean they had forgot my birthday though we spent so many of my birthdays together. In my kids words “ouch, salt to the wound”.

That was just a tiny bit of the crappiness. I ended up cuddling up on the couch, in the dark, with a laptop watching movies (My internet went down that morning – fed into the crappy feels) and soaking up the blues. Got myself to bed early and actually cried a bit because the heaviness was just too damn much.

Then I woke up and it was my birthday. Fan-static. If I had the ability to skip over that day, I would’ve from the moment I opened my eyes but I still forced myself up to make the best of the day.

I took an extra long hot shower, got dolled up for work, I ate breakfast with my son, I sat outside with my double shot of espresso, I wrote and decided to make the best of it.

Someone gets here to fix something and started to make my day. Everything fixed and this cute dorky person flirting with me. It was dorky and hilarioussss. Cracked me up. He ended up coming back with multiple roses and balloons because as he worked and we talked, he found out it was my birthday and my prior day wasn’t great.

Never had I had a stranger bring me flowers let alone go out of their way to do something so kind to make my day. It melted my heart, so genuinely kind.

My best friend called and made me laugh. My son came home excited to celebrate my birthday. I wrapped up work without a soul finding out it was my birthday (which was the goal), I got nice messages from people I didn’t expect.

It all truly helped my heart.

That night we blasted music, my son and I played switch sports (this years version of our arcade tradition) , my best friend came with a cake and absolutely beautiful gift.

Ended the night with a huge smile and a whole heart.

It was unexpected pure joy and love.

I felt so utterly blessed by the end of the night that all I could do was take time to sit in gratitude.

It ended up being the best birthday I’ve ever had. Really and truly, the best.

Sometimes, during our darkest days, we don’t feel that joy is even a possibility but it always is. It is literally around the corner and just have to be willing to accept it when it comes, however it comes.

I am so grateful to see 34. I am so grateful for the silver linings and unexpected moments of joy. I am grateful for love and for the ability to accept it despite everything, even if it’s not the easiest thing to do for me right now.

I am also so very grateful for each of you. Your time, your love, your patience and your life. I am grateful for you.

If today is your crappy day, just know it is possible to feel joy. Maybe not everyday, all day or consistently but moments of joy are around the corner. Don’t shut down. Chin up and stay believing in those silver linings. Accept those unexpected moments of joy, the sadness can wait, for those moments.. soak it in.

Sending y’all so much love!

-K