Journey 2 Zendipity

I love to write, you know that? It fills my soul.

Usually, the crap y’all see is written off my phone and in a rush.
I also never read my blogs, well I can’t say never because I have read a few and cringed at the terrible flow LOL, but I often don’t read my own blogs.
When I read my blogs, I find myself being critical and filtering what I wrote. Whereas when I just write and release, I am being raw and authentic. Completely unfiltered. The same goes for my journals.
I learned a couple years back that rereading them does me no good, so I throw those things out after I finish one.

I love to write, but sometimes I forget how much I love to write or how writing has always been a form of creative release and passion for me.
My writing is also so deeply influenced by my heart and heart space.

In fact, some of my best writing has been while In love or heartbroken, sometimes in the mix of both.

My favorite writing though Is when I’m in love.
Something magical about the passion that being “in love” gives the words that I lay out. I mean, they are butchered love letters from a sailor (I absolutely love an incredible f-bomb.. what a beautiful day just doesn’t feel the same as what a beautiful f*king day!) but love letters nonetheless.
I loveeee hand written letters ::swoon::. I am very old school in that way. Written letters are so personal, and imperfect. Pure. They are a timeless gift, in my opinion.

The hard part for me has been writing when I’m not in love. Finding that same passion in writing when I am not in love. That is where I am today. Just drained of passion.

There have been multiple times in the last 3 years that I have found myself absolutely IN LOVE with a moment, with life, with myself, with people but they are fleeing moments. Moments that somedays are much harder to grasp than others. That’s the rollercoaster though.

This last week has been the opposite of being ‘in love’ with the moment, but this morning when I woke up at the crack of dawn for no apparent reason and went for a walk, I said my prayer, and all these words come to me. Granted, by the time I start writing it’s like I’ve forgotten all of them but still, it’s beautiful to feel those moments of clarity and have that in love feeling.
I have to admit that often, the words I share, feel more like downloads than anything else.

Guess what I’m trying to say is that writing, for me, is often the moment I feel the “in love” feeling. with the In those moments that I dove into my writing, even if I’m not already feeling the passion, I end up feeling the ‘in love’ feeling by the time I am done.
Oh gees, I don’t even know if I’m making sense anymore, or if I did at all.

Anyways,

This morning I said a prayer and immediately I felt the “in love” feeling as those words rushed to me.
All the things I want to write about, all the things that I feel, all the things that I need more courage to share, and it filled me up in a way I haven’t felt in a bit. Just one conversation with the Divine and it was like words were pouring out of me. It was like receiving a love letter during meditation but without a pen and paper.

I love to write.
Whether they are butchered love letters from a sailor, support notes, quick release of feelings, books I’ve never finished, detailed expressions, or blogs.. I just love to write.
I feel so connected to someone greater than me when I do, and in this moment I feel so “in love” because I am writing and even more magical, I am sharing with all of you, incredible souls.
I feel grateful right now for the words I received, but even more grateful for each of you. The time you take, the support, the fact you keep pushing, and most importantly your kindness.

So consider the following my love letter to you.

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Dear Reader,

Though I don’t know you, somedays, I feel connected to you. Somedays I have rushes of emotions that I feel drawn to write and share with you. I pray for you, I think of you, I say thank you for you. Not because I am trying to get famous and not because I even know you but because I choose to believe in divine guidance. I believe that you were drawn to my writing as I am drawn to writing for you, sometimes even to you. I choose to believe that the divine gives me the words to share with you and I choose to believe that maybe, just maybe for a second, my words resonate with you and possibly even help you.

I hope to make you feel less alone on the days you feel most alone, to show you that having deep emotions is okay. That what matters still remains in how you treat others during those deep emotions. My hope is that you find a sliver of light during bad times by knowing that better days can come.

I haven’t found the courage yet to share all that I have been through but everyday my courage seed grows and I’m certain one day, I will be able to. I do believe that the story behind the Journey to Zen_Dipity will make my words make more sense and each time you read, you water my courage seed. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Reader, I know I don’t know you and some of the things I say probably make you roll your eyes. Like when I send you love and share my gratitude for your life but you have to understand that I mean it. Some people choose to hate for no reason, why can’t I choose to love for no reason and mean it? So please don’t doubt it. I connect my heart to yours and everytime I see your name like my words, I say a thank you prayer for you are watering my seed of courage.

You see, for a long time I felt invisible. I still have a lot of days that I do but every time I share my private thoughts and they are accepted by you, I feel a little less invisible. A little less alone. A little less crazy for believing that authentic words could possibly help or resonate with another.

So, thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for choosing another day. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Thank you for not judging. Thank you for accepting me and most of all, thank you for walking this journey along with me.

With all my love, in this moment,
-K