Journey 2 Zendipity

jhasdklahsdjkasgdkjg!!!! AHHH

That’s how I feel every time I think of the word purpose. Why? Because I have no freaking clue what mine is!

I mean seriously, some people just wake up and KNOW what their purpose is.

I’ve met people who have always known what they wanted to be or how they wanted to live their life. I have never been one of those people. I barely know my goals until I’m deep into the rabbit hole to accomplish something.

WTF is my purpose? Why am I breathing? What should I be doing with my life? How am I supposed to be of service? What are the talents the Divine gave me to share with others? What is it ?!

I have a heart of service, I am willing, I have the desire but I just have not figured out that answer.

Growing up, I didn’t have dreams like most of my friends. The only thing I ever desired was to have people in my life that I loved and loved me, something consistent and roots. I would “joke” and say that when I grew up I’d have my own big family and it would be like Big Mama’s house. Everyone at my table for Thanksgiving and the holidays! I wanted to adopt and have my own and make a big family. I always imagined myself having my own big family. That was my sole purpose. To have a family.

Then I got older and realized that goals and purpose were different. My goals continuously change, like now, I am pretty content with it just being my kid and I. Yea, holidays ROYALLY suck for me but besides that.. I love my life with him. My purpose… blank.

Purpose is something so much deeper, something I believe we are born with and I believe everyone has a purpose. At least that’s what I hope. I mean, what is life without purpose?

One day the light bulb will go on, I hope, but today is not that day. Today is just one of those days where the question is front and center on my mind since the moment I opened my eyes. Another day of wondering what goals I need to put in place to get closer, another day of questioning my life and how I spend my days. Today is just another day.