Journey 2 Zendipity

You know the weirdest shit about not really being raised? The weirdness! haha

Okay, lol hear me out.

I grew up very.. different.
I didn’t have much guidance. I had no role models, not any that stuck around long enough for me to get any role modeling out of at least lol. I moved OFTEN. I didn’t have long-term friendships because of the moving around so often. I didn’t get the childhood experiences. I raised myself. I kind of skipped the kid stage.

So, I think the part of it that was the hardest was that I never fit in. I was too young to be friends with the adults, who were the one’s I felt I could get along with. My soul was too old for the kids my age. Then, just when I think I’m about to escape that vortex and become an adult, finally fit in.. I realize I’m a fucking weirdo!

I talk different, I walk different, I sit different, I think different, I’m like an alien!

I don’ have that little voice that tells you to STFU when you’re about to get yourself in some ish, I don’t have that idea of age = respect. I sure as well don’t really care about someones title, I speak to everyone the same regardless of their income or age. I mean I just don’t have that thing that keeps me from being different with people.

The only thing that could shift my energy between one person and another, is the energy they are giving off themselves. If you know, you know.

I have a lil weirdo inside of me that I have spent years upon years trying to quiet down just so that I could listen in or fit in.

The problem now is that I’ve repressed the lil weirdo for so long and sat them in the backseat that they have forgotten how to drive but now I WANT the lil weirdo to drive.

I was so scared of losing my job, MANY TIMES, over who I am. I have been looked side ways, dumped, passed up, ignored, treated like shit and the list goes on.. all because of the lil weirdo and so I took it out on me.. the lil weirdo.

You know what I realize now????

The only one that stuck around was the lil weirdo!!

You know what else?

Those who care about me, respect me and or love me.. for ME. Did so because of my lil weirdo.

As an adult I met an incredible woman who became my mentor. She DEFINITELY saw the weird lol and she had no idea how to handle all that but she still took the time to teach me. She still took the time to teach me how to speak my truth but in a lighter way. She took me to places to show me possibilities. She held me to a higher standard because of my authenticity. She talked TO me, not at me or through me. She put out exactly what she expected in return and that woman… that incredible Queen soul in the form of a human , changed me. Changed my life. Changed how I saw myself.

Don’t get it twisted, took me years for me to stop being hateful to myself abut the way this incredible woman saw me, not just my weird, was the beginning of a different life.

It’s not been 12 years since I met that woman and I am in my mid-thirties and I am so grateful for her and to my little weird soul that has stayed true to me even during times where my human faulted in fear.

I think I lost my thought and this convo took a turn into a different lane lol but it was meant to be an appreciation to my weirdo.

I love you lil weirdo! Sorry I hid you for so long.. keep shining while I hold the flashlight up for your spotlight boo! Those who love you will love you and those who don’t DO NOT MATTER.

To the rest of you lil weirdos.. SHINE BRIGHT BOO! I SEE YOU!
Hold the damn flashlight for yourself and be you. Hype yourself up. I promise, there are many out there who will love you because and with your uniqueness and not make you feel like they love you DESPITE of that part of you.

Sending y’all so much love!
Until next time,
-K