This topic has been on my mind for a few months but I kept avoiding writing about it.
Well, here it goes.
We are all someone’s monster!
It’s true.
We are all the monster in someone’s story.
Obviously, there are exceptions, so I can’t say all because they may be a FEW that are pure angels but for the rest of us, don’t play.
So I’ll repeat, we are all the monster in someone’s story.
The wind part is that there are many that this could be true. Some stem even out of things out of our control but are taken personal and intentional. Hell, you could be the monster in someones story just for busting your ass and getting ahead of them.
Often I think about a handful of people that I know I genuinely hurt.
Never intentionally but most recklessly for not really taking the time to think through my actions and impacts. Others by not knowing any better. Some from acting out of emotions.
I have apologized profusely and many times to these individuals. Most of them at least, some I may never even get to speak to again.
I believe most of them, the ones I was able to apologize to and those I couldn’t, also knew it wasn’t intentional. I think most of them understood that I knew no better or I wasn’t in the right mind space. Doesn’t make the impact any less but their grace is so humbling and appreciated.
I’ll go deeper into these stories another day.
Last night, I was catching up with an old friend. He then went on a hatred rant over someone who I am sure has NO idea hurt him. The individual they were speaking about choose Road A which meant leaving Road B where he was left and it felt so personal to him but he wasn’t the direct connection in Road A. Meaning, he just happened to get hurt in direct result of this individual choosing her own peace. Make sense?
Better Break down:
Person A was dating Person B and Person C was the sibling of Person B.
Person A left trash bag Person B and disappeared due to trash bag B’s abuse.
Person C no longer had Person A in their life because Person A could no longer come around for their safety and peace but Person C felt abandoned.
(Hope that helped)
I know all three individuals in that scenario. The only one at fault was Person B for being an abusive Fuck but Person C is the one that held the hate of the abandonment. Never having spoken to Person A even after a reconnection years later because the hatred and ego was so big.
Hearing this story was the second time that’s made me think of this topic in a new light.
How many times have I been the monster in someone’s story through indirect actions that I still may have no clue hurt another?
Maybe someone leaving a shituationship to be with me?
Maybe a friendship that fizzled out and I was the new friend?
Maybe a split with someone caused me to separate from a family that felt abandoned by my actions?
Maybe someone I said I’d call back and accidentally ghosted 25 years ago?
I mean idk, honestly!
What I do know is that I am without a doubt the monster in many stories.
In some of those stories, I really was but in other stories.. I DO NOT CARE THAT I WAS PAINTED THE MONSTER. I no longer feel bad.
Because I may be the monster in those stories but I could maybe just be their escape.
Was I REALLY the monster in the story or are they just making me out to be the monster to ease their own demons?
I spent so long worrying about who I hurt and who I made angry.
Yes, I will continue to but I’m in such a different way.
I am a good-hearted woman! I try to be a woman of my word, I try to spread kindness & compassion, and I believe my whole life purpose is to serve with a heart of love.
I am an imperfectly flawed woman, but I cannot and WILL NOT walk a life on eggshells to avoid being the monster in everyone’s story! Nor will I ever chooses to in a toxic anything, to avoid being a monster to people using me as a scapegoat for their own shittyness.
When I first thought of this topic, it was a push and pull on my soul. I was thinking deeply about those people that I hurt and those who have hurt me. I was really really thinking about those monsters in my story when I started thinking about this:
What if I painted some of them monsters because I couldn’t really call myself out on my shit and it was easier to point at them?
What if there is no monster in that story because we both had flaws?
The real question at the end came to, what if there is a monster in my story, what difference would it make? Point fingers in these stories of mine never made me feel any better. It didn’t change my outcome. It was nice to know I wasn’t crazy and some shit was not my fault but over all, confirming a monster in my story did not actually help.
The rabbit hole I went through on this topic was humbling.
Like the saying I love, “we are either humbling others or being humbled”.
Now I just have to learn how to better express even the negative things in my past and present, especially those involving someone, without the necessity to make anyone the monster in my story.
To those that hurt me, I forgive you. If I haven’t, I promise I’m working on it. Forgive yourself but please know this, I am not forgiving you for you. If I have any kind of hate for you.. you probably earned that shit and I am not forgiving you for your but to set ME free.
Even if the mercy and healing are taking a hell of a long time to fully arrive, and even if I still don’t want you anywhere near my damn table.. I forgive you or working on it.
You’re not a monster, you’re a lesson.
You were my teacher.
Now learn from the ugliness of your actions & then release your own self-hate
To those that I have hurt, I hope you forgive me.
I hope you know exactly my thoughts and sentiments towards you and the situation.
I have done my best to express my apology, but if it was not enough.. that is fine too.
Please know that my actions were not a reflection of you but of my own inner pain.
We are all the monster in someone’s story, judge carefully. Don’t throw stones at another while your ceiling is glass and most importantly, never leave your compassion behind.
With all my love,
An imperfect, flawed woman.
-K
Journey 2 Zendipity 
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