Journey 2 Zendipity

This morning I woke up in a great mood. Ready to get my errands done and to start my day.

I get in the shower, I start jamming out, and then the music bothers me.
I knew immediately that it was because I needed to talk to the Divine and was being distracted.

I trusted my intuition, so I shut off the music and start my conversation like every morning. No big deal. About 20 minutes into the conversation I get this boiling anger. I mean, it was quick and strong. It was overwhelming.

I could feel myself trying to hold back, I mean I really held back, because who tf yells at God, but let me tell you something. I suddenly felt this feeling, like the Divine saying “go ahead”, and I did not ask twice, I went in.

I felt the tears bubbling up as I started asking wtf G. Straight up…wtf?!
Out loud, in my shower, speaking to god with an exclamation point.

I don’t understand my purpose, I don’t see my purpose, I don’t get the delays, I don’t know what’s next, I don’t understand the lessons, the people in my life with stupid connections and no explanation, I don’t know a damn thing, and I didn’t think it was bothering me but today.. oh today it came to the surface. Really fast, out of the blue.

The point of this one today though is, my relationship with the Divine is different but not, from my relationships with other. Different from what religion made it seem like it should be. Different from others expectations.

I love them (Divine/God) even on days I don’t like them.
I respect them even when I don’t like them.
I talk to them even when I’m mad.
I am patient, for the most part. I get angry like I do with people.
I mean seriously, the same kind of relationship. I talk to the Divine literally the same way I talk to anyone.
F-bombs and all.

The only difference is that, unlike the rest of my relationships, this is one that I know is forever. This is my favorite most frustration relationship <3.

Why? Because God created me.
There is nothing that knows me better than my God. So, why would I fake it with the only thing that can literally see right through me?? 😂 They created me, they have stuck by me, they have guided me, they have loved me. God did that. ONLY by God’s grace am I still here today. PERIOD and in return, I am authentic and raw in our relationship too.

It’s like when we are kids and hiding behind a 2-inch post during peek-a-boo.
If you have a kid & adult playing, the adult will play it off like ‘oh, you hide so so well”! Unless you are around an adult with zero filter and patience then they may just be like “Are you a fucking idiot? I see you, it’s a damn string”. LOL either way.. same ish if I was to hide the real from the Divine. God’s like “dude.. really?! As If I didn’t just hear your thoughts or like I didn’t just see you 2 minutes ago with that Back-That-Azz-Up or Bum Bum songs?!”

So I talk.
While I’m driving, in the shower, and sometimes even at inappropriate times I ask the Divine to pretend to close her eyes haha (don’t judge me), or while I eat. When ever and where ever.
It won’t look any different than if I were talking to one of you. The Divine is my best friend.
God, Divine, Her, Him.. My God.. My Creator.. My VERY Best Friend.

I’ve been alone my whole life, it feels like, but the Divine.. my God, is the only thing that’s been constant. Always. I’ve felt humanly and physically alone but spiritually, I always knew I wasn’t.

Buttttt todayyyyy, back to it, my dude got me mad!
Nothing that was done today but you know, like my ex used to say, pressure busts pipes, and well… KABOOM!

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If you want to try it out, sit Infront of a wall and talk while looking at the wall. Feels empty huh?
Now, just talk to the Divine ( imagine you are talking to the air or energetic vibe surrounding you), doesn’t quite feel like talking to a wall huh?

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I think it’s okay to be angry with God. I think it’s only human for us to have those kinds of emotions, even toward God. Whether it’s because we are idiots and didn’t hear the message correctly, or because we don’t understand, or a loss of someone, I think it’s okay to be angry with God. I think we are souls having HUMAN experiences and that is a lot of emotions involved. I think the Divine, our Creator, feels honored and joyous when we acknowledge them in our lives and feel comfortable enough to be ourselves.

It’s okay to be angry with God, feeling sad, or feeling disappointed.
Just don’t stay there too long.

Just like anger with another human being, it’s okay to feel anger, just don’t stay in that feeling for too long.
At the end of the day, that anger only hurts you.

So today I challenge you to try it out, have a real conversation with the Divine, whatever your God may be. Talk to them like they are your very best friend and have a raw ass conversation and see how you feel afterward.

Maybe you’ll feel a little better, Maybe you won’t, but if you pay attention you’ll notice one thing.. it doesn’t feel the same as if you were staring at a wall talking.
It does feel like the words are being heard. Can’t explain it but it’s pretty incredible.

Sending you all so much love today.

Happy Sunday all ❤️
With love, -K