Journey 2 Zendipity

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dear You, Dear Me..

Can I just start by saying how incredible you look, how ah-mazing your ass still is in those dresses, and especially what a hell of an impression you have left on this timeline!!! Ohh Weeee Queen! 🙂 Happy 100th!

This is your 34-year young self in absolute awe at the thought of surviving to 100.
Yes, I said surviving cause you sure did SURVIVE life.

In this moment, at my current age, I am struggling with life. I am struggling with so many human things and emotions and I know that this will be a forever battle because that is my life, our life but I have absolutely no doubt that we will continue to push through. It’s what we do! I also know, without a doubt, you are still dancing it up and checking out someone’s ass. You probably dropped it like it’s hot last night then excitedly, and in pain, called the firefighters to help out huh?! You crazy b! Keeping that soul young!!! I dig it. 🙂

Sweet heavens, I sure hope robots haven’t taken over the world. Who’s behind would I check out? Please older & wiser self, confirm that there are still big butts and I cannot lie..

K,

I may not have made it to the soulful age where I have infinite wisdom and patience yet but I have made it to the age where I can recognize, in a calm and positive way, that I know nothing and am lacking.
I do recognize that my current younger human has not YET learned how to acknowledge *me* fully.
Something about complimenting myself or accepting them still makes me flutter and freak out all at the same time. It’s crazy how we were so deeply instilled with the belief that self-love was an act of selfishness rather than an act that begins selfless love. That taking care of others was quite literally the whole purpose of your existence. Either way, I recognize this is something I need to continue working on because F that. I’ll be mad mad if when you read this you haven’t got it together yet in this area..

Wait.. I guess that’s me who has to work on it and you who gets to be mad mad huh. Shit.

Well then, I promise to continue working on me now and until you read this so that when we do get to 100 and read this, you are so incredibly full of love and peace from the inside out that absolutely no external person or situation can mess with it. You have had enough of that shit and you deserve your time.

You know what is interesting? Never mind, I’m clearly not yet my brightest self yet either, you are me and I am you, you obviously know what is interesting SMH.

Anywaysss, what is interesting is that as I sat to write this letter, and truly thought about the woman I was writing it to as if in the 3rd person, I experienced a moment of pride. Not just a basic “aww how awesome” but a full-blown “holy crap, that’s awesome”, deep full inhale kind of pride.
Thinking of this 100-year-YOUNG force of a woman who through pure resilience not only survived and made it this far but thrived along the way! Man.. that is something to really truly be proud of.

I wish it didn’t take a letter to a future version of myself to say this but I am proud of you. Not just saying it but I feel it in this moment, I feel it. I am proud of you.
You have been through hell, overcame hell, danced on frozen ice in hell, and kept on treading at times that most people would crumble and It’s okay to admit that, damn it!
It’s not a bad thing to know you are strong and resilient! It’s an incredible feeling and I so deeply wish that I felt comfortable enough to say that out loud to myself, right now, more often because holy crap woman, you are a resilience force of nature!
In fact, bump that, I am writing that on my mirror TODAY!!
It is not selfish or full of yourself to finally admit that, it has been you and only you that has carried you through the flames of hell in this journey, who has pushed through not just bad days but through mental battles and every single thing that life has thrown at you or put in your way to deter you! You have successfully, to your best, survived and came right through!!!
You are RESILIENT, You are STRONG, You are BRAVE, You are COMPASSIONATE and I am so honored to be one with YOU for you are a woman like no other, and being you and admitting these things does not and will never take away from anyone else’s experience because you are you and they are them.
Admitting your strengths and victory, telling yourself this does not make the experiences worse than they truly were, nor does it victimize you nor does it do anything other than simply give you the well-deserved acknowledgment,

I am proud of your resilience but I am also proud of your compassion, your love, your spirit, your desires, and your passion. Just over all the things you were never taught to be and the opposite of the things you were taught that you should be.
I am so honored to be you in the now. I would not want to be anything other than who I am at this moment because I am so absolutely excited to one day get to see me as you.

So here is my promises to you because we deserve it.

I promise to soak in every memory I can of our little man growing up (though at your age he’s an old man now too. Shoot, don’t forget to give him the grandma kisses, grandma).
I promise to not give up, not let the silent monster win.
I promise to make you smile more often, laugh harder, and love you on the bad days, not just the good days.
I promise to continue working on how I talk to you and even more importantly on listening to our inner voice.
I promise to release all of the shame and do better at forgiving myself more often throughout this journey.
I promise to continue having adventures and falling in love with as many moments as I possibly can to give you plenty of incredible memories to remanence about.
I promise to love you and others with fewer expectations (ok.. well maybe not PROMISE, more like I promise to TRY because you know, expectations and I have a funky relationship).
I promise to love myself, us, healthily to the point where I set the standard for everyone else in our lives and accept nothing less because we bring that damn table!
Above all, I promise to trust in the process and the divine within you. You are more than enough and your internal compass is on point. I love you, I will continue to love you and every day I will work on its a little more to give you the life you deserve.

So with that I end it with,

Dear you, Dear me..
Congrats on making it 100 years.
Congrats on surviving 36,500 days of which you fought a silent monster.
Congrats on doing your best in most of the 2,190,000 seconds you have lived thus far.
Thank you for never breaking under pressure or forcing yourself to fit in. Thank you for your authenticity and for always being you. It’s taken me a while to get comfortable and I know we only get better with age! Thank you.

Cheers 100 year old K!
I look forward to sitting together in love and peace one day (not trying to rush it either, you know. So Father Time… chill) as we remanence and cherish the memories of the woman I am today and the memories/lessons that will be lived throughout the next 24,209 days of my Journey to Zen_Dipity on my way to you wise owl.

With all my love, resilience, pride & gratitude.

You, Me, -K

** For whoever thought about this writing prompt, thank you.
I thoroughly enjoyed the quality time it forced me to spend with myself. **