Journey 2 Zendipity

The last few weeks have really sucked.
Period.

I could explain the why’s, then feel foolish for the explanation not being a good reason, or compare it to someone in a 3rd world country that is suffering real shit but I’m not going to do that because I am human with human feelings..

My feelings are valid and the explanation or validation does not matter.

I feel how I feel for whatever reason I feel it and that is okay.
I feel sad, I feel forgotten and I feel so very foolish over a crappy situation.
I feel sad over missing someone.
I feel a little angry over another situation that I have little to no control over.
I feel overwhelmed because there is so much I don’t understand all around.
I feel tired because my energy is being spent on things I lack passion for.
I feel annoyed and I feel tired of my life right now as a whole.

My feelings are valid, damn it!

I don’t know why I have the necessity to give it a reasons that is “good enough”. Like I’m not allowed to feel my emotions unless the reason is bigger than others who are having a harder time. I don’t get it but I do.
I caught myself doing it this morning!
Instead of a pep talk, I was giving myself the old “suck it up b*”,”chop chop, get over it. Nothing big is happening”. I mean it was just a whole fucking list of BS of why I wasn’t allowed to just feel.

I feel crappy today. I have been feeling primarily crappy for the last few weeks with some great moments of joy and fullness.

Another thing, It’s okay to miss people. I have it engraved that it makes me weak to miss someone, to “need” someone and God forbid it’s someone I shouldn’t miss. Forget it, Instant shit talk to self. Then I catch it.
I am human. We are human.
We are supposed to miss people, connections are made. We are supposed to feel different emotions. We are supposed to be affected by life.

Tomorrow is a new day, I’ll get out of my shit stew but for tonight, I want to stew just a bit longer. I want to feel my feelings without having them validated, pinpointing them to an explanation, trying to talk myself out of anything or into anything. Nope, tonight I just want to be and I just want to feel and I want to acknowledge my human as she is.

I am human and today, I feel a lot of crappy emotions.
Tomorrow is a new day.

From my human and with all my human emotions,

-K