Journey 2 Zendipity

Somedays I have no idea what to write, what I want to write, or what I’m supposed to write but I know I’m being pulled to it.

This is one of those.
still have no idea what the download will be but I knew from the moment I clicked to start a new blog that the title was “Loading’. Hell, even already attached the featured image.

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Loading. Hmm.

Next chapter… loading?
Next lesson… loading?

Speaking of… You know what healing feels like??
It feels like sitting on a rollercoaster with back-to-back rides and a very short break between take-offs.
It’s like going to school for 20 years with no summer breaks in between grades and a full-time job on the side.
It’s like back-to-back doctor appointments that have no real solutions to wtf is wrong and you only partially understood the next steps.
It’s like running for the first time and trying to ignore the side sticker, the gasps for air, and having the coach pat your back and tell you “You got this, keep going” and you have to keep going so you don’t fail.

That is what healing is like!!
This shit is not fun! Whoever said it is lied through their teeth.
Especially when we are talking about healing things from childhood and/or decades’ worth of shit layers you are trying to recover from.
Healing is NOT a fun thing. It’s truly not.
Somedays I want to let the devil on my shoulder win, I want to choose violence, I want to forget the peace and the breaking of any generational shit.
Somedays I want to say fuck this good person shit and dive head first into… well.. I can’t share all that. LOL But my point is, somedays, it makes you want to snap.

You think you are done healing with something and 6 months later you are mad af out of no where about it.
You think you are ready to move on and get an emotional ass whooping.
You are crying, then laughing, then angry, then who knows what then.

Healing is a continuous loading period.
It’s a daily choice.

Truthfully, I stopped making the choice to heal a few months ago.
I was just sitting on the rollercoaster and not really taking the time to breathe and get back to the work. I just sat there. Letting the ride take me, not addressing the issues at all. “If I die, I die” type shit. Just on the spiritual level.

ugh..

I get it now.
New chapter, loading.
New lesson, loading.

I just have to choose it.
ugh.. I hear you Divine.

Off to the meditation mat I go! This should be a fun one.

Goodluck y’all!
Something big is happening in the ethers. Good things are coming but all things come with lessons as well as blessings. Even those that don’t feel like blessings. Hang in there.
You are not alone on those bad days where you too want to throw in the towel. I feel you, this group feels you and we got your back. ❤

With love,

-K