Journey 2 Zendipity

I was texting with my best friend tonight and I wrote to her “Dating is a special kind of hell when you give 110% to everything“.

Truly, I struggle with this!
I have never been able to “talk” to multiple people at once, or go on dates with more than one around the same time. I mean, I am a very all-or-nothing kind of person. There isn’t much of a grey area in that.
I am not dating to have sex and just past time, I am dating to meet the person I want to settle down with long term. I am dating to meet the person I will one day see as my person, my best friend, my lover, and possibly my spouse. I am not just dating to say I’m doing it or to avoid being single.

Yes, being single this long does feel lonely at times but, I have a good time being single too!

I am single by choice.
I am single because I will not settle for just anything.
I am single because I needed to learn my own value.
I am single because I needed to get my shit together so that I wouldn’t drag my BS into the next relationship.
I am single because I am patiently waiting for the person the Divine intended for me, for this and the next period of my life.
I am single because I will not settle for crumbs of someones time or love.
I am single because I DESIRE and DESERVE quality.
I am single because I know what I bring to the table.
I am single by choice.

Dating is seriously a lot right now.
Hell, I don’t even like giving my IG until way after a date because I don’t want anyone to get to know me JUST through my social. Power to all that have met their person this way, that’s dope but I really am trying to have a connection way before anyone even gets a glimpse at life.
I don’t know.

Then there is the other special kind of hell of dating where you meet someone who needs a person like you but doesn’t exactly want you. You know, the one that you bring all goodness into their life. You make them feel at peace. You bring them joy. You can make them feel like damn Royalty but they don’t really “want” you so it’s hot and cold.

No no.. I want to be WANTED. Desired. Loved. Craved. Interested in. I want someone who wants to be around me, who enjoys my energy. I want to be fucking WANTED, not just needed. In fact, being needed may not even be needed like that. Shoot… maybe just need me to help you but only if you already planted your own seeds of change and could use some support but not fucking need need.

I swear, I struggle with this one.
Confusing my energy being needed vs being wanted. Confusing someone enjoying the benefits of being around me with someone enjoying ME and WANTING to be around me, benefits as a plus.

Ugh Divine! You keep testing me. I see you! Just wish I understood why ’cause damn it.
There’s that video going around: “God this ain’t your best work, and you always pushing me to do my best, but this ain’t your best”… um yea, AGREED.

Sweet heavens… Divine, please continue to guide me.

-K

A quote I love during times like this:

“If it comes from God, it comes with confirmation…”
There is more but the first part is all that matters to me. That divine confirmation is all I need ❤

2023/04/03