Journey 2 Zendipity

Happy Saturday Queens & Kings!

Let me start by saying thank you. Even though I’ve been a little MIA, you all are still liking and sharing. I appreciate you immensely. I appreciate that my words mean something to you. Thank you ❤

The inspiration lately has been REAL. It’s been a faucet turned on and it’s overflowing but I’ve been so damn stubborn with continuing to run (metaphorically about life) that I haven’t taken a moment to just stop, breathe and just listen to the what the Divine has been downloading in me.
So I’m abiding, I am stopping and going to pour out whatever I can retrieve from the last few weeks. Let me tell you, it’s been a lot.

Let’s start with Love.
Isn’t that most people’s favorite topic? lol It’s like that topic that you hate about as much as you love it. I get it.
A hot topic in my life is love. Romantic love specifically. Mostly because at this point I’ve officially been single for 4+ years with only having been on dates with 2 people the whole time and both being in the last year. I really haven’t done much to “try” to date, just kind of hoping my person falls into my life by the Divine’s grace lol but still.. the bachelors in single hood has been quite a challenge lately. Which is why romantic love has been SUCH a hot topic.

So, one of the two people I went on a date with, a few dates, is the same person I’ve written a few blogs about since last year. Insane connection and chemistry but we are not on the same page. A very special soul, one that I am so grateful for.
Well, I got the chance to spend time with this soul and his chosen family.. it was incredible.
It was incredible for so many reasons but none had to do with anyone specifically… haha I don’t know how I’m going to explain this but I’m going to definitely try.
This individual and I have a strong connection, no doubt, but we don’t talk that often. We check in often, we follow up often, but we don’t actually talk often and we definitely don’t kick it that often. It’s just something that’s there and whenever we come around each other, we feel it. When we aren’t around each other, we think about it but not actively doing anything about it. It’s just there.
So this night, start very differently.
It was last minute, I was feeling tired, and I didn’t expect it, It just happened. I prayed on it and still felt guided to go. Let me tell you, it really had nothing to do with this person but this night was everything I ever envisioned love to feel like. The night was filled with co-existing, pure genuinely loving moments, moments I have never experienced in my life.
They did their thing, I did mine, then we came together and enhanced the joy we were already experiencing as individuals. Repeat, they went off and did their thing, I did mine and again we’d come back together and enhance the joy.
At one point we were dancing and absolutely jamming the f out. One of those where everyone ends up in a circle having a good time, laughing, dancing, singing loudly. When this person and I look at each other and start cracking jokes with each other, little words being exchanged but we were in full-blown belly laughs. In that moment, I was hanging out with my best friend and “lover”. That is my dream! To marry my best friend and lover. I say “lover” because it’s not literal. If you’ve followed me long enough, you know I’ve been not physically loved on in a long while IYKYK. haha
At another time we were sitting outside together alone talking about fears and dreams, desires, contentment, and life.. full vulnerable moment. Then back to laughing and joking, moments of security and peace. It was an experience of a life time and though they were a part of it, which I am glad for, it was the moments of coexisting and friendship mixed in with the chemistry and love that really blew my mind. I really don’t know how else to explain it.
Then the next day came around and very little communication. Everyday a little less, just like every other time. Not sure why but it’s literally how it happens every time.
Here’s the thing though, we are both very much on the same page of not moving forward together. Despite the connection, we are both aware that the connection is soulful but our humans just aren’t on the same page. I think that’s what makes this so out there. We are honest with each other, we enjoy each others company, we laugh, we are learning from each other, but we just know it. Maybe one day in the future but I don’t know. This doesn’t feel like that’s what it’s meant to be.
They are working towards what they are working on and I’m working on something else, our dreams just don’t align. We have so much in common but we are just on two different chapters in our lives and there is a beauty in being able to acknowledge that we care about each other but it would be more harmful than good if we were to force it right now.
Forcing it right now because we feel it would mean we are restricting each other to a box withe expectations and labels. We’d be hurt if the other doesn’t meet those expectations though we know that we aren’t in the place to be able to meet them.
So here what I learned how sometimes loving someone is releasing them from a box, our expectations. Respecting where we both are in our lives IS part of that love.
Not pushing to be IN love, not attaching expectations to that love.
Just letting it be a pure, soulful, love.
I’ve learned so much from this individual, not because of what they have taught me directly but because of what I’m learning during our time together and time apart in relation to each other.
Not sure if that makes sense. This is new to me.

Then there was another kind of love that I’ve experienced.
A long term friendship turned deeper. Another one that cannot be but has made my heart grow 2 sizes. A 2 decade friendship with a fire within that could be felt from anyone. A 2 decade friendship of pure honesty and shit talking LOL The kind of friendship where you are always ranking on each other but when it comes down to it, you pour it ALL out. This love, this pure love that will remain only as a beautiful friendship, has taught me the beauty of being seen.
This person sees me and because we have only been friends, they have SEEN me. You know?
Not the dolled up me that tries to catch someone’s eye but the wrecked me that looks like I haven’t brushed my hair in years. The me that just woke up looking wild, the me that struggled as a single mom. Just me. That was cool because I dress how I want, do what I want, speak how I want and they love all of it just as is. I have never experienced that in my life. Literally, ever. I’ve had friends fall for me and or catch feelings but even they wanted something specific, or didn’t like something and when around them I had to hold back pieces. With this friendship, we never held back. We knew about each others shame, blessings, fears, dreams, and pains.
This person has blessed me by showing me that I am enough. That I can be loved just as I am. That my value lies in WHO I am at my purest. It’s one thing to learn that during healing and another to experience it in the real world. It’s been a lot like putting all my healing into action.
Also, I got things that I really love from them. Things I thought I was romanticizing because of all the movies.
They ask me questions, omg I love questions LOL. They send me random pictures, songs, memes, they include me in their days, what they are up to, and what’s on their mind. They over-clarify!!! My goodness, I love that so much!! It settles my overthinking and anxiety. I don’t have to worry. They comfort my fears. It fills my heart. They are just so good for my soul. It’s a shame that the timing is off, but I know there is a Divine purpose behind it all.

Between these two people, I’ve experienced love In a whole new way. I’ve given love in new ways. I haven’t fallen in love, I haven’t pushed love, I have released expectations and turned my true “in love” feelings inwards. It’s been a beautiful journey.
Though I still feel lonely, I still crave my person, I still am anxiously waiting.. I am loving me during this time in ways I couldn’t love me before. These two individuals have shown me different ways I can love me. I am so grateful.

Lastly but not least, is Divine love!!
Oh, my God loves me! I mean, my Divine really loves me. Just like he loves you.
This love I’ve been feeling from the Divine has been fulfilling and awe-inspiring even in the moments I am too annoyed that my human can’t understand even a smidge of what he is doing.
This Divine love has created a summer for me that I will NEVER forget. Created a whole summer for me to experience the life that most people experience during childhood or teen years. Gave me a chance to be just a person exploring herself and life. I got to experience being JUST a single woman for more than 2 weeks straight without having anyone to physically take care of. I got 6 weeks to explore life as person. I got to experience trying out a new class, dance groups, church groups, 3 long night experiences, late nights our or in the office without rushing, not needing to cook, I got to start volunteering. Hell, I’ve been able to have a beer on a random week day, go out to dinner with friends anytime, or spend full days on the couch. I didn’t do that often and that was the very best part.
I really really got to live a summer that I never in my dreams imagined having. In fact, I didn’t even realize it until last week that never got to experience this.. It was my very first time just being. That was a gift from God. That was such a gift. Especially with my kid getting to the age where he is starting to have his own life and soon a grown man. Less 4 years he will be a legal adult! Four years fly by, just blink a few times.
This summer was life-changing. This summer was love-changing. This summer was extraordinary. That is how much God loves me.
I asked for adventures and he gave me a whole-ass summer worth of them. Maybe not the adventures I asked for, but they sure as hell were adventures. That’s usually how it goes but what is a better love than that? Being loved so deeply that your desires as micro in comparison to that’s provided.

Oh y’all this summer was special.
I have no idea what is next, as per usual, but I am just so excited. Life can change in a second, 6 weeks or 24 hours. I am thrilled for what is next.

I’ll be back soon with downloads. This wasn’t really what I planned on writing about but it filled my heart. I needed it. This was beautiful. So thank you for taking the time to read.

As always, I am sending y’all SO much love.
With Love,
-K