Journey 2 Zendipity

Ohhh weeee.. one of my least favorite lessons.
One that I have not fully learned.

I can’t tell y’all how many times I have fought to keep people in my lives. Repeatedly, consistently. It’s about the one thing up to now you could count on. If someone means a lot to me, I will fight to keep them in my life until I have nothing left to give in the fight.
What’s unfortunate is that I learned to understand that if I have to fight that damn hard to keep someone in my life, they just aren’t meant to be in my life. Period. Either they don’t want to be, or God doesn’t want them to be. Either way, it shouldn’t be such a one-sided exhausting ass fight. It just shouldn’t.

Usually I’m the last one standing. However, when I’m done.. I am so done. There is quite literally no way to go backwards. Even if physically I am around your world, I am done. I’m gone.

Today I ran back into this amazing video that I have watched hundreds of times. Today alone I watched on repeat for an hour to soak it in. : Madea’s: Let Them Go. This video helped me through some sad moments in my life. Not always romantically either. I have lost people in my life that I wanted so deeply to remain. Partners, romantic Interests, friends, family…
I get attached to people, it’s the sad truth. I hate to admit it but if our souls connect… I am getting attached. The problem is that I have this emotional light. When it’s off… it’s off.

I’m in this crap hole today. I have people in my life that I’m continuously fighting emotionally to keep in my life. They clearly aren’t fighting too, they give the bare minimum and I’m here trying to convince them that I’m good enough to remain in their life. Truth is though, it’s got nothing to do with me and MY value. I need to accept that.

I’ve gotten so much better at releasing people, I truly have and feel SO proud of myself for that. I mean releasing without cutting them off fully. Releasing to the point where, we cross paths ” hello” and when we don’t.. it doesn’t break my heart. Now I need to learn how to do this quicker, sooner. Without waiting for 300 reasons why I should. Without giving 200 warnings. Without fighting 100 fights. Without waiting until I’m questioning my value or my presence in my life. I want to get better and I will because it shouldn’t be like this.
Hell, I don’t even want people like his in my life. If you don’t want me in your life, I don’t want to be a part of your life. If you don’t want to be a part of my life, I don’t want you to be a part of my life. So why am I fighting? What am I waiting for? Now, if only I can let these words fully sink in cause damn, it sucks.

Until then… Lord, please keep doing what you do! Keep removing people from my life that have no business being a part of my life. Continue showing me the path to those that do belong in my life. Give me the strength to release when I have to release and the wisdom to do it quicker. Please continue protect my heart and soul while I go through these struggles and allow me to be your vessel. Use me in what ever way you see fit to help others on similar journey. Thank you for your grace, always. In your name, AMEN.

I love y’all! Hang in there and release. Your value is not dependent on someone else seeing it.
With Love,
-K