Journey 2 Zendipity

Let me tell you what I did lol

I listened to my impulsive thoughts and decided to send photos that I took of someone, to them.
Back story; I am not friends with this person, never met them in persona, and only ever received 1 literal word. This person was a part of the camp my son attended this week, the picture shot was super cool and I thought they would appreciate it.

Anyways, when I tell you embarrassment kicked in on the highest level… IT KICKED IN LOUD! lol Level 12 our of 10 y’all. Level 12 out of 10. SMH lol

I wasn’t feeling crazy about it at first. In fact, I was fairly confident in the move cause I wasn’t thinking much of it. It was just like oh hey, I should send so&so this picture!
Here is where the embarrassment kicked in LOL. oh man..
I told my kid.
Like “hey, so I took some awesome pictures tonight like this one and sent it to so-so. Here look!”

Y’all!!!
When I tell you my kid looked at me insane lol this boy was like “MOM! That’s so creepy! You just sent the pictures and didn’t even add a message? Like one of those, I see you, messages”.
We went back and forth in the car because I had other pictures I wanted to send to others (that again I have no connection to over than a massive church LOL).
So he is holding back his hysterical laugh, possibly second-hand embarrassment because all he repeated again so calmly was.. “but you just sent the pictures by themselves, like a stalker”.

So then I talked for a good hour about ways to escape this hole I dug myself into.
Maybe I message this, maybe I send something else, maybe I go apologize, etc. I went bonkers over it for a solid hour. We walked me through very specific messages I could try to send. Warned me it was still creepy.
My insides were turning, it was a full-blown panic internally because what if he told people, what if he thought I was stalking, what if he thought I wanted him, etc. right?! Yea..
I do ‘weird’ ish like this more than I should. Going up to random strangers, sending pictures to random strangers at a park, this isn’t my first rodeo BUT it is the first through social media where it can be interpreted as absolutely anything. In-person, someone can catch your vibe. Through social media or text, a lot is left to perspective.
Fast forward and I’m asking God to please ease my insides, to ease my overthinking, my anxiety, my big human emotions that I was feeling, and I swear I instantly felt this calm come over me. Almost like I heard “Relax. I asked you to do it“.
That got me into this whole thought path bout my impulsive thoughts vs divine guidance.
For an update on the story: The pictures were seen, no reply, no thumbs up BUT I didn’t send any follow-up anything. I WAS mighty close to unending completely though LOL Human emotions are something huh.

** IMPORTANT NOTE ***
I AM NEVER GUIDING ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING, EVER.
I SIMPLY SHARE MY OWN JOURNEY, MY OWN EXPERIENCES. NO TWO PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME EXPERIENCE.

I cannot tell you how many times I have had these random, impulsive thoughts that I followed, and only after did I understand the reason.
Perfect example, my haircut last year.
If you’ve been around, I’m sure I mentioned my big haircut last year. My hair was mid back and I cut it incredibly short, a pixie cut. However, the pixie cut went wrong and it was leaning towards a masculine cut for a short bit.
How did it happen? Out of nowhere, I may have dreamed it, but I felt it.. to my core. I just KNEW I had to. So, I got up that morning and went straight to the stylist. By 9 am that Saturday morning, my hair was gone.
I panicked about an hour after I cut it. I mean, I had to take some deep breaths and literally talk myself down from that ledge. I mean, not much I could even do at that point. It was chopped off.

Months later I come to realize that it was an intuitive guidance.
Cutting my hair forced me to heal my feminine side in a way I can’t really explain. Forced me to learn ways to feel feminine without my hair. It forced me to be confident when I felt like a sore thumb. I did not feel beautiful, I did not feel great but I had to fake it until it grew into something real.
That courage I grew within those months shaped the following 6 months to come.
6 months that shaped my future.
6 months that at the time I didn’t realize changed my life.
So back to it, my impulsive thoughts aren’t always from a good place but sometimes, usually.. they are.

Here is what’s so cool about it all.
God has such an amazing way of using the things about me that I least like and making them the very things that shape my life. My impulsive thoughts, my overthinking, my inability to shut up or sit still my anxiety, or in this case.. my heart and mind that didn’t give me time to think the action through. Divine uses it and creates something beautiful.. Maybe takes some time to see it but eventually, it becomes clear.
This has happened with some of the crappiest days of my life too. They were awful, I didn’t get it but they shaped me, my future.

Back to it, last night.. sending the picture to this man who probably thinks I’m a level 10 creep.. I’m not sure what the purpose of that is. No idea.. the dude didn’t reply. Not even a thumbs up LOL. I earned myself a good ol’ ” WTH K?!?” Smh. I have embarrassment AND second-hand embaressment. bruhhhh

LOL I hope y’all got a good laugh out of all of this but more importantly, I hope something touched your heart.

Thinking of y’all tonight. I hope you’re doing amazing!

With love,
-K

p.s. I am welcoming all prayers to help me release decades of embarrassment lol ❤