Journey 2 Zendipity

The Divine’s amazing y’all, funny, sometimes brutal but definitely amazing.
I’m sitting here, working but also in my head because life’s been kicking my ass lately and I get a notification on my phone that someone liked one my post; An Idle Mind is the Devil’s Playground. Nothing new but what’s incredibly interesting is that it’s been the 3rd like on it this week alone and it’s a post from months ago!

So finally I’m like fine.. “Divine you clearly want me to read it, fine”. If you’ve been around for a while you know that I avoid rereading my posts cause then I get overly crucial and overthink it until I make a million changes and now it’s a new post. Anyway, I don’t do it often but I did, I went back and read my post.
The first thing that came to mind is, damn I have some spelling I need to correct, second was wow I love you guys for putting up with my spiraling thoughts and last was, “of course, It’s a reminder to get active during these spirals”. God’s got humor I tell ya.

Just this morning I was talking to someone about how things have just been feeling really off for the last month or so. Since Sparky died, it’s like it caused this domino effect and my life just feels.. idk, off. I can’t explain it. Doesn’t feel like I’m actually living my own life or walking in my shoes, more like I’m in this boring, crappy, weird movie of someone else. I’m really struggling to feel like I’m living and though I really am grateful for every breath, truly, I am just struggling with actually LIVING. You know? I have no idea what is next, I have no idea why I’m feeling so much whatever, No idea what my purpose is. My friendships are holding on by strands at this point.. It’s just all different. Even something AWFUL happened with my neighbor.. like legit it’s been a weird weird 6 weeks.

I guess I’ll take my own hint and get my ass to the gym. Clear my thoughts, get active, push myself through another workout, though I have NO desire to.
I didn’t fully stop going to the gym. Since I started earlier this year I’ve been fairly active but I definitely haven’t gone as much as I did before.. It was one of the things that kind of crumbled a bit when my life shook up back in August. Just lost the motivation to wake up early and do my routine. Sleeping in until the last minute, rolling out of bed purely by God’s grace (cause I’ve been feeling overly tired) and binge eating. So with that last of motivation, I’ve made it in no more than 2 times a week.. tops in the last 6 weeks. UGH!

“An idle mind is the Devil’s playground”, So damn true. I want to be Tigger not Eeyore.. gym, here I come! (slowly, very slowly but I’ll make it there eventually LOL)

Sending you’ll love. I know this wasn’t much of anything other than blabbering but it’s my own little push to get back into a rhythm that will hopefully help me take control of my life again.

Love y’all!
Until next time..
-K

P.s. I have continued my social-ish life, and definitely still volunteering.. so do not worry.. I am not in my dark rabbit with grief. I even went paint balling! woot woot 🙂