Journey 2 Zendipity

I was having such a great morning…

I got up, excited for the beach. I showered, had breakfast, got ready, walked my fur baby. And waited for the cancellation text from the person who was going to join me. Somehow, I just knew. Since last night, that they were going to cancel last minute. Sure enough, I got the text, then I headed out.

45 minutes later I’m at the beach, well, more like in the area. I was stuck in the beach traffic looking for parking. 30 minutes of looking for parking and nothing, not one spot. I refused to let it get me down so I kept driving north on A1A to look for the next public Beachs parking.

Again, nothing.

Then I look over and a little family is laughing and walking towards the beach enjoying life, together. I lost it.

Tears start streaming down my face and all I can do is pray this question on repeat, “why have you chosen a life of solitude for me?”.

I turned off the radio to see if I could hear anything but nothing. So I just kept going, “why did you choose this life of solitude for me? I know I’m not supposed ro know your plans but is there a plan? Is there anything in my future or am I just going to continue on this way? WHY HAVE YOU CHOSEN A LIFE OF SOLITUDE FOR ME?!!!”

Then for a brief moment, or moments, anger set in towards my parent. They chose a shitty life, they chose to continue to move around for crap reasons, they never thought about how it would affect the kid(s). Then another moment of anger towards the divine for forgetting me!

Of course, it finally eased up. I mean seriously. It is what it is and only thing I can do is keep trying like I am. Keep praying the prayer “if they are meant to be in my life, let them stay, if they aren’t, remove them”. Even if it means everyone continues to get removed.

I really have no idea why he chose a life of solitude for me, or what else I’m supposed to learned or heal or whatever but fucking a’, being human sometimes sucks. Where is the emotional light switch? :: OFF ::

Anyways, that was my most human vulnerable moment today. A moment where all I could do was wonder if I was just that broken and awful of a person that I’m a prisoner of this caged, solitude life with no end of the solitude in sight.

It’s been 3 hours and now I’m back home, waiting for my Mac n cheese to be done because nothing warms my heart quite as much as comfort food.

If you’re having a moment, hang in there. You’re not alone, it does pass and though I can’t answer the “why”, I still believe there is a purpose for us all.

Sending yall lots of love on this emotional Saturday.

With love, -K 💛