Journey 2 Zendipity

How many times can someone do something and it still be considered “out of character”?

So Today, someone did something that I took as a virtual slap in the face (in the work place). I can’t explain it, but I just knew that I knew that it was disrespectful. So I did not walk away. I replied to them privately and asked them to not disrespect me that it’s not okay when I’ve helped.

The individual replies confused, ends up calling me and we discuss. Their explanation made me feel like I was completely wrong, I’m feeling guilty as hell , my entire night was ruined and I felt crappy. Fast forward and now there is replies to that same email with others ccd when I didn’t. Now I’m back to feeling all sorts of emotions.

It’s so freaking dumb!!!!

Okay so here is my issue.. all of this is my fault! Regardless of their true intentions the first time or the second time, it’s my fault.

I didn’t stop to breathe or walk away, I replied. I could’ve walked away, but I didn’t. I could have stopped messaging and just left it alone. I could’ve waited until morning. I could’ve reminded myself it’s just work and someone I have no real relationship with to be offended by it. I mean realistically who cares?!

I got “out of character”, but now as I lay here feeling like crap hours later, because they made me feel like I over reacted, cc’d others so they could see and because I’m an anxious over thinker, I ask myself is it really “out of character”?

How many times can I overthink myself into a hole and not consider it part of my character that I just need to fix? I am easily guilted by other and by myself.

I am so frustrated with myself tonight. I don’t even know how to shake it off and I wish so badly that tomorrow was the weekend so I didn’t have to talk to anyone who may now be getting gossip.

So frustrating and annoying but I share this to urge you to look at your own self. Do you often feel like someone is getting you out of character? Are you often repeating the same actions that are out of character? And I ask, is it really “out of character” if it’s repeated behavior?

Thanks for hearing my crap tonight. I appreciate yall. Now I gotta get to bed and shake off this heaviness and tomorrow fake a smile as I walk down and overthink myself into whatever spiral comes next. 🤦🏻‍♀️

With appreciation and love,

-K