Journey 2 Zendipity

I’ve been laid out with a cold for days. It sucks and though I’ve had so many topics I want to write about, I can’t keep a thoight long enough to write it.

I’ve started easily 4 posts and cancelled mid way cause my brain gets foggy and I’ve been unable to finish the post.

This morning I was thinking of how crappy I feel and how I’m sure there’s more I could do to feel better. I just had no energy to do the very things that would make me feel better.

I was thinking about all the people I love that have gotten sick and I ask them to do xyz because I want them better and healthy. Yet when it comes to me, it always seem less important.

I then thought about these same people and how they cared about me so they tried xyz but I still couldn’t seem to think about the same for me.

Add me think about love. How we are willing to do so much for others that we love but continuously leave ourselves behind. How it’s so much harder to love and think about ourselves the way we love and think about others.

Isn’t that such a shame? That we don’t see ourselves nearly as valuable as we see those we love? Self love is a common topic for this new generation and I am so grateful for that. I’m grateful that my 30’s have become s journey to self love because it’s been all over the place. It’s being talked about so much more. It’s just so hard when we weren’t raised that way. It’s so hard when we were raised to suck it up and not bitch about it.

We are valuable, all of us. Whether we have a partner, family or friends. Regardless of the shit we go through, we are valuable. We are worthy of our own love and to allow ourself to take time to take care of ourselves.

I’ll be the first to admit that I suck at self love. I’m trying. Everyday, I’m tried but I suck at it.

When I spend time alone I feel like a shitty mom for not spending more time with him. When I take a day off work, I feel like a shitty employee for not working more time (regardless of the tons of hours I already put in). When I don’t clean on my cleaning days, I feel like a shitty person and mom for not having s spotless house. When I don’t feel like talking to others, I feel like a shitty person for not spreading love and being there for others.

Truth is though, it’s okay. My son knows I adore him, my work knows I’ll always get my work done, my friends know I’ll be there for them and the strangers that don’t know me I believe will not expect anything different from another stranger. It’s absolutely okay to take time to heal, to recharge, to sleep, to not talk to just do whatever we need.

My self love is a struggle but I find my self-love in the little moments. The moments that I choose to remain single even though I’m lonely because I know the person isn’t for me. The moments I choose to lay down instead of cleaning when I feel like crap. The moments I am this raw and authentic even when I’m feeling emotionally naked, again,

I suck at self-love and absolutely impressed with those that have nailed it. That can see all their beauty even in the muggy waters. I look up to all of you.

So feel free to share with me your secrets and the moments you feel your self love. I suck at it but I haven’t gave up and that’s the way I show myself love. Simply by not giving up on myself, for myself.

Ok with that, I’m tapping out and laying back down. It took me over an hour to write this because my brain is all over the place. I’m pushing myself s lot today but it’s time to love myself by resting.

Sending YOU ALL so much LOVE! I’m proud of you and the ways you show yourself love cause that shit isn’t easy. Keep on not giving up. Chin up buttercup. We got this.